A Pizza Delivery

A Pizza Delivery

Chad was putting the finishing touches on a new BIOS ROM chip design when Julie called. “Hi Jules,” he answered, “How's tricks?”

Julie found this nettlesome. She had called to tell him that her last test was Thursday, and that there would be plenty of time to get together on the weekend. “Are you aware of the implied insult of that remark?” she asked.

“Huh? Maybe not... what's the insult?” Chad had used the expression with her as long ago as Junior year in high school, and she had never taken offense before.

“It means you think I'm a whore, and I'm not giving you enough 'bang for your buck,'” she said. Only partially true, but she felt impelled to escalate hostilities.

“I'm sorry... did they teach you that in Nursing school?” he parried.

Julie's riposte was far from defensive. “That, and what a pearl necklace is!”

“Um... isn't that the thing where a guy doesn't... and then he...” Chad was embarrassed.

“Exactly Chad,” Julie responded. “...but all over my boobs, not in my face.”

Chad decided to be abrupt. “Why'd you call?” he asked.

“I'm finishing up for my last tests, and we can have the whole weekend off,” she explained. She regretted goading him a little, but if she was defensive, she was afraid he might suspect her of her now extensive betrayals. “Want to visit Jerry, in Florida, this summer break?”

“Actually, I'd rather visit him than almost anybody else. I haven't gotten to see him since before last recess, and I've been thinking we should try and set him up.” Chad was charitably inclined toward Jerry, as the only intellect from his immediate social circle to approximate his own. “Know anybody from Florida that wants to go?”

“Hmm... not really, but I can ask around,” she responded. “You up for a movie tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, I'd love to. Pick one out for us, and I'll come by around 5 o'clock, so we can freshen up before supper, and catch up on the news.” Chad didn't care about news reports, but it was his only bridge to the society of everyday folk.

“It's a deal,” Julie replied. She hadn't been sure whether or not Chad would accommodate her suggestion, but this pleased her, and she wanted to show Jerry her engagement ring.

That evening, Chad's room-mate Preston brought home not only his girlfriend, Britain, but also her sorority sister Teal. This put him at pains to be polite, and he never suspected their plan. Preston had been chafing under a mild inferiority complex, brought on by the combination of Chad's high grades and his moral seclusion. Teal had colluded with Britain, to “dose” Chad with Ecstasy, just to see where that would take him, and by extension, the evening. All that remained, was to contrive some excuse to get him to take the pill. This had been accomplished in conversation earlier that day.

“What reason can we give Chad for taking the pill?” Britain had responded to Preston's mischievous suggestion.

Preston had drawn a blank, and the silence drew itself out into a pregnant pause, while they pondered it. “I know,” Britain had said, in an attempt to answer her own question. “Let's tell him its a Tylenol PM.”

“No,” Preston contradicted her. “He won't need a pain pill unless we hurt him, and I'm not into THAT.”

“What about telling him it's an antacid? Y'know, one of those 'take it before you get heartburn' ones, like Prilosec?” Teal was not a towering intellect, but she rarely suffered from analysis paralysis, either.

Britain thought this an excellent dodge, and together they had convinced Preston that it could work. “Supper should be a spicy Indian takeout,” they persisted, but Preston would have none of THAT. “It's too obvious,” he averred. “Let's just make it a large pizza!”

“Better make it two,” Britain had replied. “I'm hungry.”

“Yeah,” Teal agreed, “'N I'll be taking a real Prilosec with it, too.”

Chad was at his work station, programming when they entered, very much as Jerry had been when Andover had pounced, and Teal enjoyed her prospects a little. Preston introduced Teal, and turned on the TV as Teal kicked off her shoes, while Britain phoned in their orders. Pepperoni and Hamburger, with Bell Pepper and Onions. “That ought to do it,” she thought. “...and I better get one of those Prilosec things from Teal, too.”

Soon their clamor interrupted Chad, and he groped for a polite way to kick them out. Teal was making herself VERY comfortable in his cot, but when he spoke, she offered him a beer, and he didn't know how to tell her that his preferred brand was A&W. Preston was turning up the TV every time the girls talked. Of itself this was not a problem, but the louder the TV played, the louder the girls talked (in order to be heard.) This in turn called for Preston to raise the TV volume again, in a vicious circle ending with a bang on the door. The pizza had arrived.

Chad responded by standing in front of the TV, and asking Preston to turn it off. Preston complied, while Teal “initialized her variables.” “Have another beer, and don't be such a tight ass,” she entreated. Then, turning to Britain she asked, “Would you do me a favor, and bring me some water to wash this Prilosec tab down?”

“Sure thing,” Britain replied, contemplating the double meaning of her own comment.

Preston put on his “Pump,” album, by Aerosmith, setting the order to “random.” Soon he was enjoying the lyrics of the F.I.N.E. cut, and humming along: “Hot wax drippin' honey what do you say, I got a brand new record that I gotta play...” he hummed along happily enough.

“Hmm...” thought Chad. “I wonder if Preston actually internalizes the reflexive case.” He contemplated this for a moment, then inspiration struck. “Preston,” he asked aloud, “Does Britain know what it means to 'internalize?'”

“Here, take this to prevent heartburn,” Teal interrupted. Chad absently accepted the tablet, and the Styrofoam cup of water that Britain produced simultaneously.

“I'm doubt she's ever even heard of it,” Preston responded, relieved that he himself was not called upon. He'd never heard of it either.

Chad was aware of this possibility, but it didn't affect his experiment directly. “OK, you 'n Teal be one team, and Britain, you be the control group. I'm going to try and demonstrate that people work better in teams, than on their own.”

His audience seemed unexpectedly cooperative, and Teal joined Preston in using his bed for a chair, while Britain took a minute to use the restroom, and take her own prophylactic dose of antacid. When she returned, Chad continued.

“OK. There are two lengths of fuse cord, and lots of matches. The fuses each statistically take EXACTLY 12 minutes to burn, but they do not burn at a uniform rate of speed. You can't cut them, and your job is to creatively light the fuses, such that you check an egg timer, and prove that it is a 3 minute hour glass. Preston and Teal, you can talk with each other, but you can't help Britain. Britain: you're on your own!”

“When do we start?” asked Preston.

“It's not a race, guys, it's an exercise in internalization.” Chad explained.

“I'm internalizing my Pizza,” Teal offered. “What's yer point?”

“Well, you have to learn something to do the exercise, but in order to complete the exercise, you have to turn right around and apply the thing you just learned, before you can finish the solution.” Chad attempted to explain.

“What are we trying to learn?” Britain asked.

Chad shook his head significantly. “Just do it, guys. It'll help explain what I mean, after you figure out the answer.”

Britain got a compact out of her purse, and touched up her lipstick, before starting to draw out a diagram on a piece of paper. Teal and Preston looked at each other for a second, and then began whispering back and forth. Chad had intended this to be a “fun-fact/trivia” observation, but instead he found himself left out of his own conversation. Aerosmith paused, then embarked upon yet another discussion of double entendre, as he began to be agreeably happy. Preston was SUCH a good friend.

In the space of ten more minutes, he loved them so much that he could no longer cruelly withhold the answer. “You see, it's because you light both fuses at the same time, so the train hits the explosion just when it goes off.” he explained.

Teal giggled at this, and asked him how he was feeling. “I just love you guys, soooo much,” he explained. “I'd never even DO that to you.”

Teal directed Preston to rejoin Britain on his own cot, and beckoned Chad from his. “I just wanna cuddle,” she told him. Chad had never met anyone so approachable and good-natured.

Teal was happy. This would test discussions of whether or not he was a “loser” in the Fraternities.

She took good care of the impressionable Chad.